Return of the Living Dead (1984)

There are some many wonderful things about “Return of the Living Dead” that I don’t know where to begin. For a long time this was one of my favorite guilty pleasures but that recently changed when I found out how many other people I know who also love this film. This movie is one of the reasons why I began writing this blog because it’s one of the movies that I love to talk about often and seemingly endlessly! This is the first time that it’s explained why zombies eat people; by consuming brains, the pain of rotting goes away for a little bit. This is brilliant! This movie also has zombies that can run, talk, use radios, and act just like they’re alive…except for the eating brains part. I find this completely acceptable because I like the all or nothing approach; they can be stumbling, slow, and relentless or they can be like the zombies in this film. Or maybe I accept this movie’s version of zombies because I first saw it when I was nine, my first zombie movie ever!  

I love how this movie directly mentions “Night of the Living Dead” several times, mainly in the beginning. I always thought that they could do this because of the lack of a copy right for “NOTLD”. Not so; I found out that John A Russo co-wrote both films! Romero did sue Russo for his part in “Return” but it obviously didn’t damage the movie I know and love! One of the best references of “NOLTD” occurs when Bud, Frank, and Freddy are trying to kill the reanimated corpse in the freezer. They decide to impale it in the head with a pick axe and when it doesn’t die, they begin to panic.

Bud - “I thought you said if we destroy the brain that it would die”

Frank - “It worked in the movie”

Bud - “Well it ain’t working now, Frank”

Freddy - “You mean the movie lied?!”

“Return of the Living Dead” begins with Uncle Frank showing his nephew Freddy around the medical supply warehouse where the two work. To impress his nephew, Frank tells Freddy how they have canisters that were involved in real life events of that inspired the movie “Night of the Living Dead”. They go downstairs to see the canisters and when Frank slaps the side of one, the pressure within bursts and a poisonous toxin fills the warehouse. They pass out and when they come to, the find that the dead bodies have come to life; first seeing a dog that’s cut in half barking and then hearing the dead body in the freezer pounding on the door to get out. The warehouse owner comes to help them, and after they manage to neutralize the reanimated corpse (by cutting him up into pieces with a bone saw); they go over to the mortuary across the street in hopes of using the furnace to burn up the evidence. The embalmer, Ernie, eventually agrees and the body is burnt to nothing but the fumes (and toxins) go into the air and come back in the rain, affecting all of the corpses in the graveyard and bringing them back to life!

Meanwhile, in the graveyard are a group of friends who are waiting for Freddy to get off of work so they can go party. They start to have a good time in the cemetery, including Trash who takes off all of her clothes and dances around. When the rain begins to fall, it burns their skin so they run to find shelter. Freddy’s girlfriend Tina is already at the warehouse when it begins to rain. She goes into the basement and comes across the zombie from inside the canister. She hides in a metal closet and screams. Her friends hear her and come to the rescue, but one of them dies when he’s bitten in the head. They run back to the mortuary for shelter. There Tina finds Freddy, but Freddy and Frank are feeling sick and have been infected by the toxins. They soon turn and then it becomes a free for all as to who lives and who dies when the dead return back to life!

Favorite moment – One of the scariest moments I’ve ever seen in a horror movie was when Zombie Freddy is asking Tina to be nice and open the doorway to the attic that she’s hiding in so he can eat her brains. I was nine when I saw this and it still gives me shivers! His pleading, so sweet and gentle, quickly turns to rage. As Ernie moves himself behind Tina, you can see him raise his pistol to her head, ready to kill her before Freddy can get to her. It’s super intense!

Bud is ready with a bat to kill canister zombie!

Bud calls the military for help. Spider uses a sledgehammer, just like I would!

Frank and Freddy have been told that they're dead. Not the best news to hear...

World War Z (2013)

While “World War Z” is a great action/adventure movie, the horror elements are under used and under appreciated by the film makers. This might be due to the fact that they wanted to make a movie with a PG-13 rating and as we all know, zombies can become pretty gruesome really quick. The movie does feel like a horror film during the third act, the part of the movie that was re-written who knows how many times.

There were a couple of moments that really impressed about this film, one of which is their presentation of quickly the foundation of civilization can crumble. Watching the chaos unfold was chilling and reminded me of the similar scenes from “Cloverfield”.  Another nice attention to detail was when Brad Pitt’s character shoots one of the infected and gets some of its blood in his mouth. He runs to the ledge of the apartment building, ready to jump in case he “turns”. But after counting down to 11, he realizes that he’s ok. But there is one detail that I don’t like at all; there is a moment when Brad Pitt cuts off the hand of a soldier who was just bit, and then she doesn’t turn. Not cool! If you get bit you turn, this is not negotiable!

Gerry (Brad Pitt) is coerced into helping the UN discover the source and cure to a worldwide zombie epidemic. He runs around a lot, flies in a few planes here and there, and discovers a useful technique to use against the zombies. 

Favorite moment - the scene on the plane with the stow away zombie was pretty fun, intense, and horror-like.

Rammbock: Berlin Undead (2010)

I believe it’s safe to say that the zombie genre has moved in a direction to include those films where the zombies aren’t necessarily the previously dead. The movies such as “28 Days Later” and “REC” are about people who become infected and change into mindless killing beasts, so how is that different from a regular zombie besides being dead? The German film “Rammbock: Berlin Undead” falls under the new-wave zombie movies and adds a unique and plausible new detail to the mythos; once bitten, the infection doesn’t take over until the infected becomes agitated or excitable. I’ll buy that.

This film keeps things simple, showing what it would be like to be trapped within your apartment during a zombie outbreak. How ready are you for an emergency? How much food or water do you have on hand? Do you have the medicine that you need?

The film begins with Michael, who has gone to Berlin in hopes of getting back together with his longtime girlfriend, Gabi. He goes to her apartment and finds that she is gone and two workmen are doing repairs. The older of the two becomes angry while working on the radiator and turns into a zombie (sounds like the Hulk!). We assume that he was wounded before but it’s not very clear. Michael and Harper, the younger repairman, manage to lock themselves in Gabi’s apartment. From there, they communicate with the other residents through open windows. One resident promises food if someone can give him sedatives to keep his wife from changing. Michael and Harper create a battering ram (Rammbock) and bash through into the neighbors unit. There they find pills, more zombies, and become trapped. Harper ends up trapped in the kitchen and Michael luckily finds a ladder leading into the attic. Michael finds Gabi in the attic as well as an uncomfortable truth, and Harper discovers the zombies’ weakness. The movie ends with an exciting escape scene and a touching conclusion for the heart broken Michael.

Harper and Michael

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

One of my favorite zombie movies ever is the immensely popular “Dawn of the Dead”. The original version has stood the test of time and is still chilling to watch today. These four talented actors playing strong, well-written characters trapped in a seemingly hopeless apocalyptic situation is simply unforgettable. The movie also showcases the make-up work of Tom Savani who created some memorable zombies and left his mark on future horror movies to come. What is interesting to find out is that this movie would not exist if it wasn’t for the assistance of Dario Argento, who was a big fan of Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead”. With Argento’s influence and assistance, Romero was able to find the funding that he needed to film this movie, as well as a place to stay in Rome where he could write the screenplay. All of these factors played important roles in the productions values of the final piece.

This movie has brought me so much joy over the years. It’s amazing to think that in the 1990’s I had to leave a $200 deposit in order to rent this movie from Scarecrow Video because it was out of print at the time. It’s also amazing to remember that when my friend and I watched this film, he was actually afraid to walk home in the dark because he was so affected! And finally, how can you not appreciate the cheesy nature of the motorcycle gang? They provided comic relief, a tilt in the storyline, and numerous bodies for the zombies to eat and tear apart.

The movie opens by showing the chaos behind the scenes at a television studio. Some people are trying to stay focused and work while others are trying to flee. The world as we know it is quickly crumbling as the government is losing control over the zombie “invasion”. Stephen and Francine plan to steal the stations traffic helicopter but they need to pick up Stephen’s friend Roger. Roger, meanwhile, is a member of a SWAT team involved in a SWAT raid on a low income apartment building whose inhabitants are refusing to follow the orders of the mandated martial law. The worst in humanity is displayed by a racist and overzealous member of the SWAT team who is eventually killed. The residents are quickly killed off by the SWAT team and the zombies that they were harboring inside. Roger ends up meeting another SWAT team member named Peter, and together they go and find Stephen to escape the ugly chaos.

The four survivors eventually decide to land on top of a mall in order to grab need supplies. While inside, they realize that they can fortify the building and stay there until they think of some better plan. They manage to block the doors with semi-trucks from a nearby parking lot, but while finishing up the job, Roger is bitten in the leg. After the outside of the mall is secured, the four of them begin the gruesome work of killing off the zombies in the mall, with Roger being pushed around in a wheelbarrow and shooting. Once this task is done, they realize that they can live like kings and do whatever they want in their fancy, comfortable prison. After some time (a few days), Roger finally dies and returns as a zombie, who is quickly killed by a remorse Peter.

Before long, a mob of motorcycle bandits see the helicopter on top of the roof of the mall and realize that there are people inside. After making radio contact and announcing their intentions, Peter and Stephen prepare for the coming onslaught. The motorcycle gang breaks in, leaving a wide opening for the zombies to stumble in from. Stephen becomes greedy as he watches the gang steal random junk from the stores and begins to shot at them. They fire back and general chaos breaks out. Stephen is killed by zombies and is turned, the gang members are decimated by the zombies, and Peter and Francine are trapped. Their only option is to fly the helicopter, which is low on gas, somewhere else, anywhere. Peter chooses to stay behind and just as he is about to commit suicide, he comes back to his senses and makes it to Francine just as she is about to take off. They escape and fly off into the night.

Favorite moment – it’s impossible to choose just one or two!  

Roger turns

Stephen zombie

Time for a break

Zombies want to go shopping too! 

Author's Note - Zombies

There is no denying that zombies are a very popular horror genre these days. With the success of shows like “The Walking Dead” and countless, horribly made films on Netflix, zombies are a major movie monster, ranking among the classics like vampires and ghosts. Ever since George A Romero helped change to concept of a zombie from a drugged voodoo victim to the hungry undead, zombie movies have steadily become more and more prominent. This week’s theme of zombies will include some of the best the sub-genre has to offer as well as a few that I haven’t seen yet. Hopefully I won’t regret renting them!

Besides the seven reviewed during this week, be sure to consider the other zombie related movies that I’ve reviewed previously if you’re looking for one to watch. These include -

1.      .  Dead Alive
2.     .   Dead Snow
3.     .  28 Days Later
4.     .  Dellamorte Dellamore
5.     .   La Horde
6.      .   Mutants
7.      .   REC 2
8.      .   REC 3

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)

The final film for the horrible sequel week is “Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies”. This is just another example of a low budget horror flick made to ride the coattails of a decent original movie. The special effects are few and not impressive, the script is weak and the story is even weaker, the acting is insipid and forgettable. The movie dives right in without any subtly with the Djinn granting wishes to whoever he meets; even though this is the main attraction of this film and the original, there isn’t any build up or excitement behind them. Even though Andrew Divoff returns as the Djinn, he has a stupid grin on his face for half of the film that just looks ridiculous, as if he’s laughing to himself in disbelief that he’s actually getting paid for this movie.

A museum is being robbed and during a shootout with security, a statue is hit and the gem that the Djinn is imprisoned in is exposed. One of the thieves takes the gem, is shot in the chest but luckily the gem is hit instead of the thief, which breaks the gem and frees the Djinn. The thief, a woman named Morgana, is the only one to make out alive. The Djinn turns into his human form and is arrested as the supposed thief. Morgana has nightmares about the Djinn, the Djinn grants wishes and collects souls at the prison, more uninspired scenes follow including a weird side story about the Russian Mafia, until Morgana and the Djinn have their final showdown with a battle of wits. It’s ridiculous how Morgana is even involved, having the nightmares and such.

. 

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

It never occurred to me that there should be a sequel to “Cabin Fever” because what could they possibly add to the story? It turns out that there is nothing to add, only more scenes of the infection affecting people in different surroundings. Like a high school prom. Why not? Well, because that would be a lame idea; the infection takes time to spread and develop. Of course but not in sequel land! Here the infection takes a matter of minutes, 30 to 60 or so, before you see it and get killed by it. So freaking lame!

It is fun to see Winston again, this time a little bit more on the ball and slowly aware of what’s going on. Besides that….not too much more to root for in this film directed by Ti West. Even Mr. West has distanced himself from the movie after re-shoots and re-editing were performed after he submitted a final version. I’ll sit through a showing of his version if it ever becomes available but I’m not really expecting much of a saving grace from that movie either. After all, he wrote the script as well...

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Sloppy is a wonderful word to describe “Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds”! This film is a mess from the moment it begins and only gets worse as it stumbles towards the end…which isn’t really an end but just a cliff hanger for the third and final film of the series (so far). What makes this film so damn awful is that the cast of characters are unlikable and deplorable. There isn’t any chemistry among the ensemble like there was in the first film. You don’t care who lives or dies in this film, which is a big difference from the original. And it feels like the movie is trying too hard to be different and more outrageous. The comic parts feel juvenile. Even the monsters lack any humor or terror that they had in “Feast”.

This is another movie that I would just avoid. It’s cheesy until it gets to the middle of the film which is when it just turns sour. No one likes sour cheese.

Worst moment – When Greg goes to rescue a baby, is chased by two monsters, and throws the baby away as bait so he can escape. Completely tasteless. 

Exorcist 2: The Heretic (1977)

Even if you don’t like “The Exorcist” you have to admit that it has made a major impact in the world of horror and has influenced many films, actors, directors, and fans since it came out. So the idea that a sequel so horrible, so ill conceived, so insulting as “The Exorcist 2: The Heretic” is hard to imagine. And yet there it is, a steaming pile of crap that even the actors and director wish never happened. What started off as a project to essentially recreate the original film (why?) turned out to be a complete mess that was rewritten more times than a script should ever be touched and yet was still being rewritten and adjusted as the actual filming occurred, so by the time the filming was finished, the story was nothing like the one that the actors had agreed to help make and star in. Some people want to place all of the blame on director John Boorman but I don't want; he has gone on to make some wonderful films and had some classics before taking on this doomed project

Besides the constant shifting of events and story ideas, the concept that the demon that possessed Regan from the original was just a bunch of evil locusts and that Regan was some powerful healing psychic is just laughable. Indeed, William Peter Blatty, the author of the original “Exorcist” novel laughed out loud, a lot, during the first public screening of this film. This is  a great example of yet again it’s often a great idea to never explain the EVIL!

I found this film very difficult to watch because of these factors as well as the fact that this movie’s visuals are SOOO 70’s! Form the fashions, the decorum of the rooms, to all of the browns and oranges, and of course the terrible film quality made this movie too much of an effort to watch, much less to find anything enjoyable within it. 

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

I loved “30 Days of Night” so when I saw that there was a sequel, I quickly rented one from a local Redbox…and then I was sorely disappointed. This movie sucks! Any and every sense of tension or characters that you care for was gone, replaced by cliché vampires and victims. Everything in this film felt uninspired, and even though I’m told it follows the storyline of the comic, it still sucks. Comics, or novels for that matter, might rush out sequels and follow ups just to cash in on a popular original production.

Stella, the estranged wife of Sheriff Eben from the original film, is on a quest to show the world that vampires exist and is trying to gather people to help destroy them. She is apparently so emotional destroyed that she doesn’t feel emotions anymore and yet has such strong ambitions to kill vampires. While in LA, she gives a speech with vampires in attendance; she exposes them to UV lights which kills them instantly. Instead of being a hero, she is arrested by an government agent under the control of a vampire named Lilith (Sooooo original). Stella does end up teaming up with three humans and a vampire that drinks bags of blood instead of the fresh stuff. Generic vampire hunting happens, people die, and Stella kills Lilith. Along the way, Stella and the others learn that a vampire can be brought back from the dead with fresh blood (really??) and so the movie ends with her trying to bring Eben back (although he was burnt to a crisp and his ashes floated away in the wind…but what do I know?). It works, but he’s still a vampire, so things don’t end on the best note for Stella.

Favorite moment – none.

Lilith and a bathtub? full of blood. Again, so original it hurts my brain.

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)

The original “Wrong Turn” didn’t anything new to genre but was still a mildly entertaining film, depending on the sense of tension built upon the cannibalistic hillbillies chasing their prey more than the script itself. The fact that there was a sequel, a few in fact, that followed shouldn’t be a surprise but what is shocking is how quickly the quality of the franchise sank with its second film. It takes the negative connotations of the backwater hillbilly to a whole new low level, this time focusing on a full family of cannibals which include a sister and mother figure. This film also introduces the reason as to why they are deformed, super strong, and nearly invincible.

The only redeeming thing about this movie is the fact that it stars Henry Rollins! His performance as a former US Marine who is the host of a reality TV pilot was way over the top and he was completely committed to it, which made it great. Just like his role in “Feast”, it seems like he had a blast with his part. 

A group of would-be reality TV show contestants become prey to a cannibalistic hillbilly clan. What else do you need to know??

Henry Rollins and contestants

Henry Rollins hanging outside down, not being gutted

Henry Rollins wearing face camo

Henry Rollins firing a shotgun

Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008)

While the original, as in the American remake, of the film “Pulse” was just an ok horror movie that had plenty of flaws and clichés, it comes across as a shiny gem compared to its immediate sequel “Pulse 2: Afterlife”; this sequel sucks which is a real shame because the story had some promise. The acting is horrible and atrocious which ruins whatever hope the story had to redeem itself. The film stars Jamie Bamber who was great in the new "Battlestar Galatica" but utterly fails here. But what is worse than the acting are the visuals in this film! The ghosts are a sad rendition of the ones that were in original and are not scary or intimidating in least. Even more annoying than these ghosts are the majority of the backgrounds in almost every scene; it looks like the actors are all standing in front of green screens and their surroundings have all been created. This is very distracting to watch because nothing feels real. This technique makes sense to use when the film is focusing on the ghost’s point of view but not when it’s focused on the living characters. It’s a very bad choice and a horrible use of a budget (note – this movie had the same budget as the first film!).

The movie takes place a few weeks (I’m guessing”) after the first movie when the world in general is aware of and suffering the attacks of the electronic dead. Some of the movie is from the perspective of Michele, a recently infected woman who died and has come back as one of the electric ghosts. The movie focuses on her searching for her daughter Justine and not realizing that she and the other people she encounters are all dead and that the ghosts that they see are the living. The movie then shifts to Stephen and their daughter Justine, who is alive and well. Stephen and Justine leave the city and go to Stephen’s rural cabin where there are currently no electronic ghosts. Stephen’s lover Marta shows up, and while they’re talking, Stephen’s laptop starts receiving emails from Michele (he still has a laptop because he doesn’t believe that the ghosts travel via electronic signals). Michele materializes and kills Marta while Stephen and Justine escape. The remainder of the movie is about Michele chasing them, Stephen getting kidnapped by a computer hacker who thinks he can save the world, and finally a horrible ending that makes me wonder why I wasted time watching this film. Although…it’s still not nearly as bad as “Beyond the Wall of Sleep”!

Favorite moment – Even in a horrible movie there can still be parts that shine. In this film, that moment is a short scene that shows Michele’s Uncle Peter, who is alive and has locked himself in his room away from his electronic ghost wife. He heard about the fact that the color red keeps the ghosts from getting to you so he has used anything red on the walls, windows, doors and himself. One thing that he used was the blood of his pet cat, which he has broken in several areas and is rubbing the open wounds on himself. He even starts to eat innards of his pet since he is trapped within the room. Not a great scene but it’s original and perfect for a horror movie!

Michele in a room with a real background

A ghost,"Oh no, she's black and white!"

Author's Note - When lightening does not strike twice

Horror movies spawn dozens of sequels, with each original movie hoping to be the start of a long lasting franchise. Because most horror movies are made with relatively low budgets, the genre is plagued with terrible sequels that never should have seen the light of day. For every great, decent, or just ok sequel that is made, there are at least four horrible ones. This week I’m going to review some of the most offensive sequels to some originals I’ve previously viewed.

Keep faith! There are wonderful sequels out there and I’ll write about them soon!

Braindead aka Dead Alive (1992)

“Dead Alive” is easily the most fun filled horror movie I’ve ever seen. Co-written and directed by a young Peter Jackson, this film takes a very different approach to zombie movies. This film has been referred to by many as being a major influence for other film makers and the zombie sub-genre in general. The cast is full of unknowns outside of New Zealand and that’s ok because they more than hold their own in this comic, gore filled film. In fact, this film contains what three of my friends refer to as the most disgusting moment in a movie that they’ve ever seen! Mmmm, pudding! This is also the only movie that I’ve seen where two zombies are having sex and actually conceive a baby zombie!

Lionel Cosgrove lives with his selfish, controlling mother Vera in Wellington, New Zealand. One day Lionel meets the lovely Paquita and a clumsy courtship begins. While on a date at the zoo, the young couple is having a fun time while Vera spies on them. While standing next to a dangerous exhibit, Vera is bit by the ugly and vicious Sumatran Rat Monkey. She kills it and makes Lionel take her home, leaving Paquita behind. Vera soon becomes sick and turns into a zombie, killing various people who come to the house. She escapes from the house and is killed by a tram, allowing Lionel to focus on Paquita. But even at the funeral, Lionel realizes that Vera isn’t dead yet. He goes to the grave yard late one night to retrieve her body but is assaulted by a gang of punks. Before Lionel can do anything, Vera climbs out of her grave and turns them into zombies as well. Only the Father Jon McGruder, a kind of kung-fu priest, can save Lionel but is also killed and turned. Lionel brings the “surviving” zombies back to the house and locks them in the basement, giving them tranquilizers to keep them calm and sedated. And then Lionel’s obnoxious Uncle Les shows up, creating more trouble than Lionel can deal with! Will Lionel and Paqita ever get together? What does Uncle Les want? What will happen to Vera and the brood of zombies she’s created? Watch this movie and find out!

Favorite moment – the scene where Lionel takes the zombie baby to a park as if the child was a normal baby or actually needed some fresh air. I recently found out that this scene was adding to the finished movie because Mr. Jackson still had some money left in the budget and extra days let to film something. Wonderful idea adding this scene Mr. Jackson!

Lionel and Paquita

 Vera and the Sumatran Rat Monkey

Zombie Baby!

Feast (2006)

I’ve loved the movie “Feast” ever since I saw it at a midnight showing at an independent theater back in 2006. While it’s intense and violent, it’s also hilarious and pokes fun at the genre and some of the stereotypes within it. Every time a new character is introduced a blurb about them is flashed on screen which includes there nickname/role such as Hero or Heroine and Beer Guy, as well as a percentage of their chances for surviving the movie. When those chances don’t play out or a Hero or Heroine is killed, someone might be renamed Heroine #2! It’s awesome and the film keeps you guessing by not following the standard course that so many horror movies heed to, intentionally or not. The best part is a brief appearance of Jason Mewes playing the role of Jason Mewes; when did he become a horror movie stereotype?

Another aspect that makes this one great FUN HORROR movie is the fact that there is a scene where the monsters eat their dead baby monster, have sex, and moments later the mother gives birth to a new baby monster…all while the group of survivors are trapped inside and watching. It’s a moment that makes you think WTF because it breaks the action and reminds you that you are not watching a straight forward horror movie. There’s only one other movie where I’ve seen something similar and I’ll be writing about that one tomorrow!

In a bar in the middle of a desert nowhere, there are a group of people enjoying a night out. There’s the staff which includes Bartender, Honey Pie, Tuffy, Boss Man, and Beer Guy. And then there are the patrons such as Bozo, Hot Wheels, Coach, Grandma, Harley Mom, and Jason Mewes. Everything is normal as can be until Hero runs into the bar and tells everyone that something deadly and dangerous is coming; he even shows them a head of a creature but no one heeds his warnings. Suddenly he’s attacked and killed as everyone watches in horror. Then Heroine bursts into the bar and asks where her husband is (Hero). She’s devastated but the group begins to help her secure the bar. Harley Mom is the next to be killed as a mini-monster breaks in and cuts her open. After a bit of close calls, they manage to trap the monster in a beer freezer. This is when Tuffy realizes that her son is still upstairs and when she goes to find him, he’s safe and sound…until a monster breaks reaches in through a window and eats him whole.

With three people dead and their assumed survival stats shot to hell, the survivors dig in and try to figure out how to either escape or kill off these bizarre monsters before its too late.

Favorite moment – This was the first time I had seen Henry Rollins in a horror movie and I loved it. He played the upbeat, proactive Coach, a stereotypical motivational speaker who thinks he has the best solutions to their problems. Before the action begins, he rubs everyone the wrong way when he makes a date with Honey Pie but accidentally drops his wedding ring while he’s paying his bill. What a punk!

It's also important to note that this movie was written by Marcus Dunstan, who would later write "Feast 2 & 3" as well as take over writing the scripts for "Saw 4, 5, and 6". He would also write and direct "The Collector" and "The Collection" and I'm guessing he still has a long career ahead of him considering how successful he's been so far.

Beer Guy and a monster

Honey Pie and Coach

Enough said!

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

How could you not love a movie about an elderly Elvis (he’s alive!) and JFK (he’s actually an elderly black resident who believes he’s JFK) who fight an ancient mummy killing the residents of a nursing home in the middle of Texas?? “Bubba Ho-Tep” is a rare gem of a movie that mixes comedy, horror, and a sense of sharp melancholy in a way that is entertaining and memorable. It was co-written and directed by Don Coscarelli, the man who gave the world the “Phantasm” series and “Beastmaster”, and stars Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. The film was not released and shown in mainstream theaters but was able to cover costs in independent and art house theaters in the US. It has a cult following and earned approval from most movie critics.

Elvis is alive and well (not really) and living in a convelsant home in Texas in the late 1990’s. He explains that he traded places with the best impersonator he could find, a man named Sebastian Haff, and was doing ok for himself until he lost any proof that he had showing that he was the real Elvis and finally having an accident where broke his hip and had a coma. Now he is old, alone, ignored, and his only friend is an elderly black man who thinks he’s JFK. When residents began dying and Elvis is attacked by a giant scarab beetle, Elvis and JFK begin to look for clues as to what’s happening in their little home. It turns out that a re-animated Egyptian mummy that was stolen from a travelling museum exhibition is eating the souls of the residents at Shady Rest Retirement and it’s up to Elvis and JFK to stop him, since no one would ever believe their story.

Favorite moment - I really enjoyed the relationship and chemistry between Bruce and Ossie in this film. I get the feeling that these two actors really enjoyed working together on this film and playing such interesting, iconic roles.

Elvis and JFK

It's Bubba!

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)

The best word to describe “Dellamorte Dellamore” is bizarre. This Italian horror movie is most defiantly Italian and is directed by Michele Soavi, but this film has a very comical undertone that is not present in any of his other movies that I’ve seen. The main character, Francesco Dellamorte, is the thankless cemetery caretaker who defends the small village he lives in from the rising dead; this character and the comic book character Dylan Dog were both created in the image of British actor Rupert Everett, so he was cast as the lead. The events in this film start off as a fairly normal zombie film but steadily head in more outlandish direction over the second half of the movie. It’s an interesting film to watch but it does take a certain taste to really appreciate it; this film is not for everyone. The only aspect of this film I didn’t care for were some of the choices of background music in the first half of the film; it seemed more distracting and contradictory to the action that was taking place at the time.

Francesco Dellamorte is the cemetery caretaker whose prime responsibility is to kill the zombies that rise upon the 7^th day after they’ve died. He has an assistant named Gnaghi who lives in the basement and is only able to say the word Gna. Together they kill the dead and keep the village in the dark about what happens in the cemetery. Because of this lifestyle and the rumor that he is impotent, Dellamorte is seen as an outcast and avoids the village as much as he can.

The movie begins moving forward when a young widow shows up at her elderly husband’s funeral. Dellamorte falls instantly in love with her and follows her around each time she visits the grave. He is able to get her attention when he shows her an ossuary but as they’re making-out, she has a moment of regret and runs out. Later, they begin having sex in the graveyard near her husband’s grave; while in the act, the husband rises and bites his wife. She appears to die from the wound and Dellamorte waits for her to rise, and when she does he shoots her in the head.

While Dellamorte is distracted by his lovelorn loss, Gnaghi has his own crush to pine over, the daughter of the mayor. She ends up getting killed in a motorcycle accident but Gnaghi digs her up after she’s been buried and retrieves her decapitated head. They begin to have a tender romance in the basement, a situation that Dellamorte is unaware of. It is also at this point that the dead begin to have more and more traits that resemble the living, such as the mayor’s daughter’s ability to talk and her old boyfriend’s ability to ride a motorcycle around the cemetery.

Things begin getting really strange when Dellamorte meets another woman who looks just like his previous love. He falls for her as well but she won’t have anything to do with him because she’s terrified by penetration. He decides to have his “junk” removed but the doctor talks him out of that and offers a solution that will make him appear impotent instead.

The film only becomes more outrageous from this point and is best to watch it for yourself.

Gnaghi and Dellamorte

 Dellamorte and his love in the ossuary

 Valentina, the mayor's daughter, and Gnaghi

Død Snø aka Dead Snow (2009)

The first thing you notice about the film "Dead Snow" is that its in Norwegian and you have to read subtitles to know what's being said; if you hate subtitles, do give up because this is a great film. The second thing you notice is that the writer is a huge fan of 1980's horror films; why else would the film geek be quoting classic lines in English? The third thing you notice is that the film starts off with a serious tone when the horror begins but by the end the movie feels a lot like "Dead Alive". It's an intense, comical, and relentless film about nazi zombies who want their stolen gold back!

What's great about this movie are all of the different ways that the zombies are killed off; gunned down by machine guns, blown up by hand grenades, axed apart, and so forth. And these aren't you stumbling dumb zombies, these are fully trained nazi soldiers that just happen to be dead. And numerous, as in uncountable. Once you think they're all dead, more crawl up from the frozen mountain side. 

I highly recommend this film and it can often be found on Netflix.

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

“Drag Me to Hell” was Sam Raimi’s first movie that he directed after working on the “Spider-Man” trilogy. The script was written by Sam and his brother Ivan before Sam began working on “Spider-Man”, so they had time to tweak the storyline before filming began. Sam also made sure that the film was given a PG-13 rating because he didn’t want to keep make the same kind of horror movie that was solely driven by gore and intense moments. My only complaint about this film is the fact that Raimi chose to use horrible CGI effects in place of his traditional style of special effects, especially during the moments when he was using the same visuals that he had made famous in the “Evil Dead” movies. Although these moments were few and far in between, it left a bad taste in my mouth and a poor impression of the film.

Christine is trying to forward in her banking career but isn’t as cut throat as her manager wants her to be. When she finally decides to prove that she has what it takes, she angers an old gypsy woman who places a curse on her. Christine now has three days to undo the curse before she is literally dragged to Hell!

Baby Blood (1989)

"Baby Blood" is a fascinating French film from 1989 that is about an ancient alien life form that needs to be developed and born from a human in order to continue forward in its evolution. It finds the perfect host in a woman named Bianca who would at a circus. After the alien becomes impreganted in her, she leaves the circus for the city. Her lover comes to bring her back but she murders him at the alien's command. The alien needs blood in order to grow. She refuses this time but soon gives into its demands as it threatens her life. As the alien grows within, her methods of killing become more blatant and disconnected from her humanity. She eventually gives birth to what looks like a normal human baby, but this is just a shell of the monster within. The movie ends with the alien slipping into the sea to evolve once again.

Favorite moment - When Bianca is working as a taxi driver, picking up a fare and when she sees a jogger, she runs him into a wall and then kills the passenger. Has to feed the baby!

Author's Note - Fun Horror

I have no idea how to refer to this week's selection of movies other than as "Fun Horror". These are movies that are not straight up horror films and yet have enough horror in them to keep them from bring considered black comedies. These films have great WTF moments throughout them, usually taking you by complete surprise each time that they occur. And the great thing about this theme is that it's an international concept which includes a film from France, New Zealand, and of course the US. It's nice to see that some of the world has a morbid sense of humor!

Frankenstein (1994)

How appropriate or fair is it to compare a remake of a classic horror movie when the original film itself strayed from the novel? Such is the case when trying to compare the two best known versions of "Frankenstein". On one hand you have the timeless Universal classic that have us the image of a crazed mob with torches and pitchforks, and then on the other hand you have creator and creation chasing each other across the globe bent on destroying the other. These are two very different images but they both work extremely well. 

While this film is closer in nature to the novel, there are still several differences between the two pieces. The most glaring difference that the movie adds is the reanimation of Elizabeth and her subsequent suicide. The other details are small enough to be overlooked as many details are lost, ignored, or adjusted whenever a book is transformed into a movie.

The one thing I can't figure out is why so many people hate this movie. Why? Some say its because its too melodramatic but so is the book! Others took offense that Robert De Niro's role as the Creature, with most critics stunned as to why an actor who only does "mobster parts" cast in a period horror movie? (This is a question that I've read many times"). I like the film and enjoyed it immensely. Maybe it's because I was 18 when I first saw it and didn't know any better...or maybe I liked it because it is a good film. Yes, yes it is.

The Omen (2006)

It’s quite possible that “The Omen” was chosen to be remade just so it could be released on June 6^th 2006, or 666. It’s a fine enough of a film but it is practically an exact replica of the original film. But it has a cast of actors that grew up with it and had parts that they were probably excited to play and the movie made a decent amount in the box office so there really isn’t any harm. The biggest surprise in the movie was the casting of Mia Farrow as Mrs. Baylock, the nanny who knows exactly who Damien is and what he is capable of; it was exciting to see Mia and a role that was the exact opposite of her more famous role in “Rosemary’s Baby”. The only poor casting choice was the child who played Damien. He didn’t come across as detached in an evil spooky way like the child in the original film did. Even when he knocked his mother off the chair and over the railing, his expression was as creepy.

I do want to give kudos to this film for resisting the “need” to fill the movie with unnecessary special effects or CGI enhancements. The movie has a strong enough storyline to keep things interesting as it is.

Trying to have a creepy stare in 2006

All happy that he knocked his mommy to the floor in 1976

Friday the 13th (2009)

“Friday the 13^th” was meant to be a reboot of the series and not a remake of the original film. This allowed them to take elements from the first four films and apply them in a single movie. The writers and director wanted to reexamine, update, and adjust various aspects of Jason’s mythos which left me thinking that their efforts were both cool and pretty lame at the same time. The film opens up with the events that occur at the very ending of the original “Friday the 13^th” with the showdown between a counselor and Jason’s mom; she’s still beheaded and Jason is still a witness to the gruesome act. The movie moves forward in time to when Jason is grown and begins killing people while wearing a cloth mask like the one he had in “Friday the 13^th part 2”. Jason finds a hockey masks and puts in on and some teenagers find the head of Jason’s mom, just like the events in “Friday the 13^th part 3”. Finally, a guy shows up looking for his missing sister (Friday the 13^th part 4”) and a lot more people get killed before they realize what’s going on. These were cool nods to the first few films in the series when the movies were still building a mythos and keeping to a serious horror movie vibe.

The only thing I really didn’t like about this film was seeing where Jason lived; a creepy, wet, room/tunnels of torture. The fact that he had an area to lock somebody up is not like his character at all and it really bothered me. The only time we saw a house where Jason might have lived in the original movies was a tiny hut that was set up as a shrine to his mother. That was cool and this was not. It feels like it’s too similar to all of the other hideaways that deranged movie killers have. It’s just a part of the story that I wish they had skipped.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was such a unique movie that it’s difficult to imagine any other version. But low and behold a remake was made in 2003, a version that takes a few of the original ideas and adds plenty of new ones to flesh out the story. I will admit that I enjoyed watching the 2003 version for what it is; a reboot of the series because as a remake, it simply pales in comparison and is in no way anywhere near as frightening or chaotic as the original. It’s still a strong movie if it was an original itself so its’ cruel to try and compare the two films too much.

Let’s break down some of the differences -

1.       The reason why they are in the middle of Nowhere, Texas.

In the original, siblings Sally and Franklin are checking out their grandfather’s gravesite because there has been a rash of grave robbing and other acts of vandalism at the cemetery. While they are in the area, Franklin convinces the group of friends (2 girls and 3 guys) to stop by his dad’s run down childhood home, which happens to be right next door to where Leatherface and his demented family live.

In the new version, the number of friends and their genders are the same but the names are different and no one is bound to a wheel chair. The group is coming back from Mexico after sneaking a piñata full of pot across the border to sell at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in Dallas.

2.       The hitchhiker.

In the original, the group picks up a weird looking guy who begins telling them about his family and their work in the slaughter houses before pulling out a knife and cutting himself. The group kicks him out and he retaliates by smearing blood over their van. He ends up being Leatherfaces brother.

In the new version, the group picks up a girl who begins freaking out when they drive in the direction of the house where Leatherface lives. She pulls out a gun and kills herself in the back seat.

3.       R. Lee Ermey. He’s not in the original and he makes the remake awesome!

These three points are enough to distinguish the two films because before R. Lee Ermey is introduced, the story takes a different path from the original. There is more expansion in the remake but just enough to keep it interesting and not overly explained.

Evil Dead (2013)

It’s truly a rare occasion when a horror film is remade and is equal to the original and the 2013 version of “Evil Dead” is such a film! This is a movie in which I will not blink twice and have any issue with people saying that they loved the newer version more than the original. The original was made by a group of college aged friends who only knew the basics of film making at the time, barely had a budget, and had to come back several times to the cabin in Tennessee to finish the filming the movie, and yet it’s a classic that has inspired a legion of other film makers and has a massive fan base. The new “Evil Dead” had a small but modest budget, had a cast with some real credentials, and a story concept that was as good as gold, which turned out to be a great film and is easily one of the best movies I’ve seen all year. This project is an example of people who love the movie so much that they get together and present the basics of the story in their own way. It doesn’t hurt that Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and Robert Tapert gave their blessings as well as served as the producers. Director and co-writer Fede Alvarez saw the project as happening 30 or so years after the original events took place but by avoiding any attempt to point that out (besides the car!), this movie plays out as a remake and not as a sequel of sorts. There are too many coincidences between the two films not to be a remake, but enough differences that this is truly its own film.

There are several similarities in the two films that you have to look closely to notice.

1.       The most obvious is that the cabin looks the same, at least from the front. In the original, we never got to see the cabin clearly from any other angle. The car that Ash and his friend used to get to the cabin is parked and rusting in the back behind the cabin.

2.       There are two couples and a sister of one of the guys.

3.       All of the characters in the remake become possessed in the same order as their counterparts in the original, beginning with the sister who is attacked by the tree/forest.

4.       David, Ash’s counterpart, is dressed in the same colors and has the same hair color and frame.

5.       A character in both films cuts off their hand after it shows signs of possession. This is one of the two elements from “Evil Dead 2” to be used in this film.

6.       A great and powerful entity is summoned and is vanquished by a lone survivor. This is the second element borrowed from “Evil Dead 2”.

7.       The Naturom Demoto is found in the basement.

There are differences as well, which make up the rest of the film and don’t need to be listed. It’s best to watch the film and see what they’ve changed.

SPOLIER!                              SPOLIER!                              SPOLIER!

What I REALLY didn’t like about the film was a moment during the prolonged showdown. When Mia becomes pinned to the ground by the jeep, she finds the strength to rip her arm apart and run away. What?? Is she a lizard? No! How the hell can anyone do that?? It’s not like her arm was that badly damaged from the jeep falling on it at any time before that. And I feel that it completely takes away from the act of self-mutilation of when Natalie cuts her hand off in the kitchen.

Mia, the "Cheryl" counterpart

 Natalie, the "Linda" counterpart

 David, the "Ash" counterpart

1981 demon

 2013 demon

Ash, Linda, and Cheryl,  1981

David and his friends, 2013

The Fog (2005)

The remake of John Carpenter's "The Fog" is one of saddest remakes I've ever seen. Just like the remake of "Halloween", everything is overly explained as if the audience needs everything pointed out to them. The cast is full of pretty people who can't act; even Selma Blair falls flat more so than usual. The CGI effects are used too much and are not scary. The worst offense is that both John Carpenter and Debra Hill served as producers. This is one of those seemingly rare PG-13 rated movies that just bombs.

The only positive note I can give this film is the fact that they chose to create a remake of this title in the first place. Unless you are a big horror fan or a John Carpenter buff, you might not know about “The Fog”. I like it when something else besides the biggest names are remade and given a second chance. But with that second chance comes the possibility of a horrible movie. It happens and it’s a shame.

The original ghosts