Jakob's Wife (2021) #498

Watch the trailer here

"Jakob's Wife" is so much more than just a well-made vampire movie, it offers a serious examination of the dynamics of a married woman working through the struggles that had slowly developed over the years. While the husband thinks everything is fine, she wife is living a life of regret and boredom. This is perhaps one of Barbara Crampton's finest performances, as this script gives her plenty of dynamics to work with. She gets to be quiet and demure and then sexy and commanding. This may also be the most screen time that she has in a single film. Co-starring Larry Fessenden, watching these two old friends on screen together again is a pure joy.

To say that Anne is a rut would be an understatement. She feels trapped, underappreciated, and that she's wasted her youth after she married Jakob, the minister in the small town that they live in. When her old high school crush takes the opportunity to work with her renovating the old mill, Anne's temptation flares in the moment. Unfortunately for her and her old flame, they are attacked by the Master, a Nosferatu/Barlow looking vampire that had made the abandoned mill it's new lair. 

Over the next few days, Jakob notices that his wife is acting different, and he naturally suspects that something happened between her and her ex. While Anne begins to experience life as a vampire as she slowly turns, Jakob finds the vampire nest when he is attacked by a former parishioner. He rushes home just in time to clean up the mess that Anne makes after devouring a curious neighbor. Jakob loves his wife, so together they try find a way to move forward and free Anne from the sway of the Master. Does she belong to Jakob or the Master ultimately, or does she become the master of her own destiny?

This film has fantastic makeup and practical visual effects. It also has some memorable body horror moments, something that is often skimmed over in monster movies when it's such an obvious choice. For example, Anne's bite puncture begins dripping blood while she is taking a bath, so heavily that you can hear the drops hitting the bath water. Another moment is when she is having her teeth bleached at the dentist office. Her sensitivity to bright UV lights causes her face to alit and scorch and blacken her skin. Once she feeds, a horrific body mutilated moment in itself, she heals back to her pale, pasty new normal.

The "V" Word (2006) #388

I must admit that I thought that the "V" word was going to be video games because that seemed like the focus at the opening of the this episode of "Masters of Horror". But I was wrong and halfway through the piece I realized that it stood for vampire, and I was sorely disappointed. The first half was unique and different; focusing on two friends who grow bored of playing video games and decide to find something more thrilling to do in real life, so they break into a funeral home and run quickly run into trouble. The second half wasn't nearly as interesting and readily fell into typical vampire territory, with one friend embracing the change while the other struggles. I was also disappointed with the small role the Michael Ironside was given, although he did a great job with the time he had.

Stake Land (2010) #382

"Stake Land" is an interesting blend of vampires and survival horror set in a post-apocalyptic setting. The vampires are feral and mindless which make them feel more like zombies, travelling both solo and in packs during the night, are difficult to kill, and are just plain nasty. The human survivors live in tightly guarded communities, trying to live normal lives. In the outskirts, a dangerous band of religious cannibals known as the Brotherhood rule the highways and pick off and terrorize innocent travelers. It's a combination of elements that are typically not presented so smoothly in a horror film, especially one that presents all of the horrific moments with a gentle touch of humor and humanity. The characters are likable and relateable and are brought to life by a very talented cast which includes Danielle Harris, Kelly McGillis, and Larry Fessenden. Although the film's stars, Nick Damici and Connor Paolo, are both new to mainstream horror, they carry the weight of the film wonderfully and I would love to see them in this genre in the future.


A vampire hunter known only as Mister takes a teenage boy as an apprentice after saving him from vampire. The two travel from town to town, steadily travelling north to "New Eden". Along the way they met and save other survivors, the Brotherhood and their leader Jebedia Loven, and a host of animalistic vampires. For every triumph to achieve, they suffer a tragedy. As they near the borders of "New Eden", Mister and Martin come across a thinking vampire, a creature that tests their resolve, wits, and skills.


Favorite moment - The scene where the Brotherhood demonstrate how deranged they are by dropping vampires inside the confines of a secured town, killing innocent victims in an instant bloodbath.

Fright Night (2011)

One of my favorite remakes of recent memory is the 2011 production of "Fright Night". While I appreciate the original 1985 version, I find the remake to be a superior movie. The teens characters look more like teenagers, the dialogue and reactions between characters are played realistically and less comical, and the special effects are pretty top notch. The pacing is more comfortable in the remake and the overall story is sharper and streamlined. Finally, I love that the movie is now set in Las Vegas, a perfect place for a vampire to hunt his prey.

From the leads to the supporting cast, everyone gives a stellar performance. Anton Yelchin shines as Charley, a former geek turned popular high school kid who comes to believe that his neighbor is a vampire. He plays this role very seriously, a perfect anchor that allows some of the other characters to have their comedic moments. Imogen Poots, who shared the screen with Anton in “ “plays Amy, Charley’s girlfriend and Toni Collette plays Charley’s mom Jane.

Colin Ferrel is confident, sexy, and completely predatory as the new neighborhood vampire, Jerry. His presence, which a good vampire needs, commands the screen whenever he appears. I really enjoyed this kind of portrayal of a vampire and is reminiscent of those from “30 Days of Night”.  Finally, taking the place of Roddy McDowall from the original is David Tennat, fresh from his time from “Dr. Who”. Like Mr. McDowall, Tennat’s performance adds a level of dark comedy to the film. David Tennant does a wonderful job of making the role of Peter Vincent, Vampire Hunter, his own. In this version, he is a stage magician with his own show at the Hard Rock Café Hotel. 

Charley comes to suspect that his new neighbor might be a vampire after Ed, his former best friend, points out to Charley that several students have gone missing recently. After trying to prove his point, Evil Ed is tracked down by the vampire in question, Jerry, who turns Ed into one of his vampire minions. Charley explores Jerry's house and discovers a girl that Jerry had brought home one night is tied up in a secret room. Charley is able to get her outside but she burns to dust when the daylight touches her skin. Charley then turns to a famed Vegas act featuring a self claimed Vampire Killer, the magician Peter Vincent. Peter dismisses Charley after he asks for help. The next night Jerry attacks Charley's house, and Charley, his mom, and his girlfriend Amy barely escape the assault. While asking Peter for help again, Charley, Peter, and Amy are attacked by Ed and Jerry. Ed is killed off but Jerry takes advantage when Charley and Amy are separated, biting her and turning her into a vampire. Peter finally agrees to help and the two take a brave, final stand as they take on Jerry in his own house.

Byzantium (2012)

"Byzantium" is another supernatural tale by director Neil Jordan. His first film that dealt with the supernatural was "The Company of Wolves" which was essential a few short stories connected by an over arching narrative. His second work is the renown "Interview With the Vampire" which followed, more or less, the story represented in the novel by the same name; this was a straight forward narrative about the past. His third visit to the supernatural is the 2012 movie "Byzantium", a film that is unable to find it's pacing and shifts from present to past to present again without any real rhyme or reason. It's the easiest film to follow and the scenes that take place in the present feel like that there are various scenes that are missing.

One other note - the film doesn't follow the typical vampire mythology. In this film, the vampires are able to walk around daylight and have rosy complexions. This isn't a deal breaker because such films like "The Moth Diaries" and "Bram Stoker's Dracula" also have their vampires walking around in the sun.


Eleanor and her mother Clara are vampires from the days of the Napoleonic Wars. One half of the movie shows what theirs lives were like before and after becoming vampires while the other half shows them dealing with the events in the present. After killing another vampire and setting their apartment on fire, the two are force to flee and end up settling in a seaside town. They move into an old hotel that Clara turns into a brothel (she was a prostitute herself when she was mortal). Eleanor attracts the attention of a young college age kid named Frank. She tries to keep him at arm length but his persistence eventually wins her over. Soon the past comes to haunt both Eleanor and Clara when the other vampires finally hunt them down with the intention of destroying the two once and for all.

Clara

Eleanor

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

And another take on the famed story of Dracula, "Bram Stoker's Dracula" is the vampire film that follows the novel the most. I have yet to see any filmed version of Dracula where the old Dracula is walking around with a long white mustache like he does in the book. Besides this oversight, and a few additions made by Coppola, this version most resembles the novel about the vampire and his adventures in London. The casting choices are all over the place for this film with some poor choices (Keanu Reeves?) to proper (Carly Elwes and Tom Waits) to outstanding (Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins). The musical score is one to remember as well and it's not like don't have much choice as it's still used in other movies' previews still to this day.


There's no need for a synopsis, you know what the story is about by now! But I will go over some of the small details that were added for the film

1. The opening where Dracula goes off to fight the Turks and his wife kills herself when she hears that he has been killed in battle. Upon his return and finding her dead body, he curses God and stabs the stone statue, drinking it's blood. Not in the book but it's a super cool scene.

2. It's revealed that Renfield was originally working as the solicitor for Dracula before going crazy. In the book when never hear of any past dealings with the Count.

3. The entire section where Dracula meets Mina in London and takes her to the cinema, where they encounter the white wolf. This is added to make the this version more of a love story.

There are other minor bits missing from the novel but this version is the truest that I've seen and is still fun to watch twenty two years later!

Låt den rätte komma in (2008)

"Låt den rätte komma in" aka "Let the Right One In" is a hauntingly beautiful vampire film set in Sweden. The two main characters are children and the actors playing them deliver such strong performances that are rarely seen in actors so young in this genre. The movie might feel slow but it unravels and reveals itself perfectly with each passing scene. And again, I love that fact that it takes place in a town that is covered in snow.

Oskar is twelve year old boy who is picked on daily by three other boys. At night, Oskar imagines that he is able to stand up to them and fights back with an actual hunting knife that he hides under his bed. One night, a man and his "daughter" move into the apartment next to Oskar and his mother. A few nights later, Oskar is outside imagining that a tree is Conny, the leader of the bullies, and begins stabbing the tree with his knife when all of a sudden a girl asks him what's going on. Oskar turns around and meets Eli, a twelve year old looking girl standing on the jungle gym. At first she is distant but over time she accepts Oskar's advances of friendship. The two become close and eventually start going steady, even after Eli tells Oskar that she's not "a girl".

Eli is actually a vampire and her "father", Hakan, is her current care taker, trying to collect enough blood for Eli to consume. His first attempt is interrupted by a couple of girls walking their dog. A second attempt is also ruined, but Hakan pours acid over his face so the authorities can not identify him and find Eli. Because of Hakan's plunders, Eli is forced to hunt for blood herself, killing a drunken local. This encounter then sets in motion more victims as Eli is forced to feed and protect herself. Even after Oskar finds out the truth that Eli is a vampire, their friendship and emotions for each other only grow.But when Eli is forced to flee after her apartment is broken into and she kills her assailant, Oskar is left alone to deal with the bullies that he thought he had scared away. But Eli could never truly leave and shows the bullies what it's like to pick on weaker, defenseless creatures.

The Moth Diaries (2011)

"The Moth Diaries" isn't a standard vampire story by any means and some may even argue that isn't one at all. The film takes the vampire concept in a different direction than usual, where the vampire in question walks around daylight and sips tea and instead of blood, she drains her victim's soul. There is even a subtle nod to Bram Stoker's version by having the vampire's victim share the same name as Dracula's first British victim, Lucy. It also deals with the pain of having a loved one commit suicide and trying to heal and move on. "The Moth Diaries" is a dark, fresh, and very engaging film about the supernatural.


Sixteen year old Rebecca is sent to a private all girls school after her well known poet father commits suicide and her mother is unable to care for her. The movie begins at the start of Rebecca's third year at the school, where she is delighted to see her best friend Lucy again. Lucy was the first girl that befriended Rebecca and the two became very close. A few days after the school year begins, Rebecca is introduced to the mysterious new student Ernessa. Lucy becomes a quick friend to Ernessa, slowly shunning Rebecca more and more. Rebecca comes to suspect that Ernessa might be a vampire after being introduced to the novel "Carmilla" in one of her classes; it doesn't help that the other students also notice that she never eats. And then, one by one, Rebecca's other friend's are forced from the school, or worse, are killed, after Rebecca begins to seek out the truth about Ernessa. Did Rebecca really see Ernessa walk along the edge of the balcony and through a glass window? Why isn't Lucy eating anymore as her energy slowly slips away? And Why does Ernessa keep talking to Rebecca about her father's suicide and how she and Rebecca are so much alike?

Rebecca

Rebecca and Lucy sharing a moment

Ernessa and the rain of blood

Ernessa, the new girl

Interview with the Vampire (1994)

"Interview with the Vampire" is the well known film adaptation of the novel written by Anne Rice. The film was directed by Neil Jordan (who also directed  "In the Company of Wolves") and stars Tom Cruise and a young Brad Pitt as the vampires that the story revolves around. The casting of Cruise as the vampire Lestat brought attention to the film before it's release, with a good deal of commotion coming from Anne Rice herself. Although after viewing the film, Rice was sold and satisfied with Cruise's performance. The movie itself is beautiful to watch and is full of time period sets of New Orleans and and Paris. I have never read the book so I am unable to make any comparisons between the two works.

"Interview" is about the retelling of the life and after-life of the vampire Louis to a reporter in a hotel room one night. Louis describes how his mortal life fell apart in 1791, Louisiana when his wife and child died, and how he lost all will to live and wanted to die. His wish for death was answered by the vampire Lestat, who at the last moment offered Louis the choice for eternal life, the "choice that I was never given" as Lestat is fond of saying. Lestat joins Louis at his plantation and begins introducing Louis to the lifestyle of a vampire. Louis finds that he's stronger, his senses are clearer, and that he has to live off of blood. He refuses to feast off of people, deciding to stick to small animals as much as he can. Louis is disappointed but knows that his young friend will eventually come around. When Louis finally breaks, he takes a small child whose family has died of a plague. Lestat is delighted and turns the child into a vampire as a kind of gift to Louis. Now the little Claudia joins the two and they form a small, odd little family. But Claudia is devious and convinces Louis to help her kill Lestat. The two turn on their "creator" and then travel the world to find others like them. What they find isn't exactly what they were hoping for....

The Hunger (1983)

"The Hunger" is a sexy, smooth vampire film staring Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, and Susan Sarandon. At it's core, the film is about addiction and making the choice to live with that addiction or not. Unfortunately the ending ruins this concept but that's what happens when the "Power's that Be" want to rewrite the script. The movie is beautifully filmed in gorgeous settings and dark night clubs, paired with the perfect score of haunting 80's rock and classical musical movements. This movie should be considered a must see for vampire and horror fans who appreciate the 1980's and dark sensual films.


Miriam and John are vampires stalking the nights in New York City. Miriam is the master, forever young and beautiful, while John was once mortal, being turned into a vampire and marrying Miriam in 18th century France. While Miriam remains immortal and untouched, John begins to suddenly age rapidily one day.He seeks the professional help from Dr. Sarah Roberts, an expert in the aging process of primates. She thinks that John is just a hypochonraic at first but comes to realize that there's something more to the story when she sees that he's aged decades while he sat in her waiting room throughout the day. He leaves in disgust and goes to his home that he shares with Miriam. He loses control and kills and drinks the blood of young Alice, a violin student that he is teaching, hoping that her blood will slow the aging. It doesn't and when Miriam comes home and finds John and what he's done, she carries him up to the attic where there are multiple coffins laying about the room. She reveals that John will live forever in a state of eternal living death and she asks the others in the coffins to "take care of him tonight". The coffins are filled with her past lovers and Miriam is distraught that Alice is dead because she was being groomed to be her next lover. Sarah, feeling guilty and curious about John, goes to visit the apartment and meets Miriam. There is an instant chemistry between the two and Miriam decides that Sarah will be her next campanion. But will Sarah want the lifestyle of a vampire and the dire cost of eternal life, and does she have the will to resist and ancient and immortal vampire?

John and Miriam

Sarah in a bloodlust

Miriam tells John the truth

Betrayal and heartache

Dracula (1979)

The 1979 version of “Dracula” is considered by many to be the first sexy version of the classic tale. This might be true but this version is also one of the most incorrect, off base versions I have ever seen. The script is inspired by a play about “Dracula” and gives the novel a mere secondary nod as a source material. This movie is a flagrant example of Hollywood being lazy, not bothering to read the book, and making up what they think the story is; it’s as if the writer saw the movie as a child and then tried to recall it thirty years later without any notes. The names of the characters are there, at least the first names, but the relationships are all wrong. On the plus side the film is very stylish and full of action. There are scenes that are full of candles, streams of flowing smoke, Frank Langella wearing a cape, and actors fully committed to the script; if only the script writers were had been committed after writing this!

The film begins with action as the ship that is carrying Count Dracula and his numerous boxes of dirt is losing control during a violent storm. The crew is trying to throw the crate that Dracula is in overboard, but a monster breaks out and kills the crew and the captain. The ship then crashes into the banks near Dr. Seward’s asylum, where Dr. Seward and his daughter Lucy (??) are trying to calm the inmates. Lucy’s friend Mina Van Helsing (??) escapes the house and runs out into the storm, going all of the way down to the beach and into a cave where she finds and rescues the Count. The next day, Jonathan Harker drives up to the wreck and tries to see if Dracula survived. He is told that the Count is alive and is at his new home in Carfax Abby. Harker then orders Renfield to move the unbroken boxes to the Abby. While doing so, Renfield is attacked by the Count after he turns into a bat.

Does your head hurt yet?

That night, the Count goes to Dr. Seward’s home to dine with the Dr. and his daughter, Jonathan, and Mina, who is now looking awfully pale. During dinner, Mina has a panic attack and the Count hypnotizes her to calm down. And then he dances with Lucy who is now obviously swooned by the guest. Later, Harker asks Lucy about her feelings for the Count and she assures him that he is the only man for her. Meanwhile, the Count climbs down the side of the manor and enters Mina’s room, where she happily exposes her neck. In the morning, with Lucy and her father there, Mina begins to choke and dies. The Dr. thinks nothing of the bite marks on Mina’s neck since it’s been a long time since he practiced real medicine. Meanwhile, Renfield wakes up from his attack and agrees to work for Dracula after he develops a taste for insects. Harker visits the Count at the Abby later that night to finish the sale of the Abby. As Harker is driving home he is attacked by Renfield, who is begging for help to be saved. Renfield is admitted to Seward’s asylum.

41 minutes into the film…

Lucy is overcome with grief after attending Mina’s funeral as Harker leaves for a work trip. Dr. Seward then tells his daughter that Proffesor Van Helsing is coming to town and that he is going to meet him at the train station. Meanwhile, Lucy goes to the Abby under the pretense that Jonathan and her father would be there. Back at the asylum, Mina attacks and kills a baby and jumps out a window. Van Helsing and Seward are left trying to figure out what’s going on. Meanwhile Dracula is busy seducing Lucy, who seems more into him than he is into her.

I’ll let you watch the rest of the movie to find out what happens. This isn’t the story that you thought you knew….

Best WTF moment - Dr. Seward seems to always be eating, even at the most inappropriate times. 

Second WTF moment - Why Laurence Olivier and Donald Pleasence ever agreed to be in this film?!?!

Author's Note - Vampires and Feelings

Vampires are all over the spectrum these days. Some are monstrous and violent, some are just hideous looking and are dejected, and some are just quick to grab a sword and kill a werewolf as they are ready to make sweet sweet love to a mortal. They have proven to be the most versatile of all of the different kinds of monsters in the horror genre, so much so that it's often times to label them as monsters anymore. So many films have them as the stars rather than the villain. This week I'm going to focus on the vampires that are willing and able to take a little time to talk, find love, or just a friend.

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

I loved “30 Days of Night” so when I saw that there was a sequel, I quickly rented one from a local Redbox…and then I was sorely disappointed. This movie sucks! Any and every sense of tension or characters that you care for was gone, replaced by cliché vampires and victims. Everything in this film felt uninspired, and even though I’m told it follows the storyline of the comic, it still sucks. Comics, or novels for that matter, might rush out sequels and follow ups just to cash in on a popular original production.

Stella, the estranged wife of Sheriff Eben from the original film, is on a quest to show the world that vampires exist and is trying to gather people to help destroy them. She is apparently so emotional destroyed that she doesn’t feel emotions anymore and yet has such strong ambitions to kill vampires. While in LA, she gives a speech with vampires in attendance; she exposes them to UV lights which kills them instantly. Instead of being a hero, she is arrested by an government agent under the control of a vampire named Lilith (Sooooo original). Stella does end up teaming up with three humans and a vampire that drinks bags of blood instead of the fresh stuff. Generic vampire hunting happens, people die, and Stella kills Lilith. Along the way, Stella and the others learn that a vampire can be brought back from the dead with fresh blood (really??) and so the movie ends with her trying to bring Eben back (although he was burnt to a crisp and his ashes floated away in the wind…but what do I know?). It works, but he’s still a vampire, so things don’t end on the best note for Stella.

Favorite moment – none.

Lilith and a bathtub? full of blood. Again, so original it hurts my brain.