The "V" Word (2006) #388

I must admit that I thought that the "V" word was going to be video games because that seemed like the focus at the opening of the this episode of "Masters of Horror". But I was wrong and halfway through the piece I realized that it stood for vampire, and I was sorely disappointed. The first half was unique and different; focusing on two friends who grow bored of playing video games and decide to find something more thrilling to do in real life, so they break into a funeral home and run quickly run into trouble. The second half wasn't nearly as interesting and readily fell into typical vampire territory, with one friend embracing the change while the other struggles. I was also disappointed with the small role the Michael Ironside was given, although he did a great job with the time he had.

Imprint (2006) #373

If anyone was going to create an episode that was going to be considered too outrageous and inappropriate for a Showtime Channel original series, it would be the famed Japanese director Takashi Miike. His entry in the "Masters of Horror" series proved to be too much for Showtime executives to air as planned, so instead this episode is only found on DVD. The content within is a bit graphic at times and the torture scene is overly gratuitous to the point that I feel that this particular production could be as offensive as the material seen in "A Serbian Film". Some people may disagree with that conclusion but I would say that "Imprint" is at least darker and more horrific than his well known film "Audition".

An American is travelling across Japan in the 1800's looking for a woman who he promised to come back to an marry someday. His journey takes him to an island populated with whores and their masters. The American is forced to stay the night on the island so he agrees to the company of a whore, choosing one that stays in the shadows while the others clamour for attention. The whore begins to tell the American that she knew his bride to be, Komono, and that Komono had recently killed herself. He refuses to believe the story, so the whore tells him more about her own history and the reasons that led to Komono's suicide. The whore repeats the story several times, adding new details and truths with each telling until the American can't take anymore and acts upon his grief, a grief that haunts him for the rest of his life.

Pelts (2006) #372

"Pelts" is Dario Argento's second entry in the "Masters of Horror" series, a piece that has an equally creepy cast of characters but an even stronger story than his first offering with "Jenifer". Singer/actor Meatloaf stars as Jake Feldman, a fur trader and craftsman who is obsessed with an erotic dancer who won't give him the time of day. When one of his trappers calls him with an offer of a lifetime for a stock of perfect raccoon skins, Jake is forced to see what the old man is offering. But when Jake and his assistant arrive to buy the skins, they find that both the hunter and his son have died very gruesome deaths. Jake takes the pelts and brings them to his shop and has his team begin creating the perfect coat. But one by one the employees die horrible deaths as well. This does not stop Jake in his quest and takes the completed coat to the dancer's apartment where he coaxes her into having sex with him in exchange for the coat and the chance to model it at an upcoming fashion event. Afterwards, Jake falls victim the the pelts curse and soon the dancer is claimed as a victim as well.

Morale of the tale - never trap and kill a raccoon on scared land.....

What made this episode standout, in a positive way, is that each death was related directly to how the character was involved with the raccoon pelts. Watch for the connections!

Cigarette Burns (2005)

John Carpenter is in rate form with his first entry for the "Masters of Horror" series. His episode "Cigarette Burns" is easily one of my favorite productions that he has directed and my overall favorite of the series. It's a simple tale of a man who is hired to find a film that was reportedly destroyed after it was screened once during a film festival, after the audience became violent and started killing themselves. It has a similar vibe that "The 9th Gate" had , as the investigation takes the hero to various countries and meetings with interesting characters. It also has a religious undertone, as the film that is being sought after has a scene where a real angel has its wings cut off. The episode is filled with mysterious tension and suspense which is perfect for this piece. Staring Norman Reedus as the protagonist Kirby, I highly recommend this episode above all other in the "Masters of Horror" series!

Haeckel's Tale (2006)

"Haeckel's Tale" aired during the first season of "The Masters of Horror" series in 2006. It was adapted from a short story originally written by Clive Barker and was supposed to be directed by George A Romero who was replaced due to a schedule conflict. The actual director, John McNaughton, is best known for directing "Henry: A Portrait of a Serial Killer". This episode feels rather meh when compared to the other installments. There is really nothing great or horrible about it and it feels more like a place marker for the series more than anything else.

Ernst Haeckel is a young medical student who is fascinated by the theories of Dr. Frankenstein. When he tries to copy the procedure he fails miserably and ends up taking the advice of a grave robber to pay a visit to Dr. Montesquino, a necromancer. Haeckel visits the Doctor but leaves convinced that he is nothing but a charlatan. On his way home he, takes refuge form a storm with an elderly man and his young wife, Elise. She keeps looking out the window in the middle of the night and when loud yelling is heard off in the distance, she leaves the house in a hurry. Haeckel follows her to a nearby grave yard and finds that she is having sex with her first, and now dead, husband. The elderly man had paid Dr. Montesquino to bring the first husband back to life so Elise can be sexually satisfied. Disgusted, Haeckel demands that Dr. Montesquino stops his "magic" but it's too late. Haeckel fatally shoots him before passing out from a hit to the head. When he awakes in the morning, he finds Elise and her baby back at the house, but to his horror, he finds out that the baby has also been resurrected, and the zombie baby kills him.

Deer Woman (2005)

"Deer Woman" aired during the first season of "The Masters of Horror" series. This episode was directed by John Landis, the famed director of "An American Werewolf in London", and is perhaps the funnest one to watch; the episode is not out right funny but is very whimsical in parts and is very reminiscent of his famous movie, there is in fact a part when a large wolf running amok in London is brought up during this production.

Detective Faraday is in charge of investigating animal attacks and other related incidents after accidentally killing his partner. One day he's sent out on a call to investigate a body that's found in the back of a semi-truck bed. Between his guesses and that of the coroner they determine that that the victim was killed by hoofs from a deer or some similar animal but they can't explain how it got into the truck. Two more bodies show up around town and has Detective Faraday making some wild assumptions about who the killer is. He eventually hears a tale about the Deer Woman, an Native American story about a creature that has the top half of a woman and the bottom portion of a deer who seduces members of a tribe and kills them one by one. Since this is the only lead that Detective Faraday has, he follows it until he discovers the truth.

Favorite Quote - "Why does everything have to have a “why” with you people? You know, it’s a woman with deer legs; motive really isn’t an issue here."

Jenifer (2005)

"Jenifer" aired during the first season of "Masters of Horror" and was directed by famed Italian director Dario Argento. The episode finds a nice balance between erotic tension and gruesome violence...even if the script itself is weak. Steven Weber stars as the protagonist Frank, and once again this is a poor choice that seems to happen fairly often in this series; the casting is very hit or miss. Besides these two faults, this episode is worth watching and is one of Dario's stronger productions as of late.


Frank is a police officer who happens to hear a disturbance taking place near his unmarked squad car. He arrives in time to save a disfigured young woman from a meat cleaving maniac. Frank goes home but is haunted by visions of the woman, who has a beautiful body but a gruesome looking face. Frank goes back to work and finds out that the woman he saved is named Jenifer and she has been sent off to a local insane asylum. He takes her home where she scares away his wife and son. Jenifer seduces Frank when he tries to take her away and so he brings her back to his place. She then kills a young neighbor and then kills a carnie that Frank hired to kidnap her and take her away. Frank is forced to take her out to a deserted cabin in the woods and finds a job working at a small local grocery store. After killing again, Frank takes her out into the woods to kill her but he's killed instead by a passing hunter, and thus the cycle of seduction begins anew.

Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

"Dreams in the Witch House" aired during the first season of "Masters of Horror"; adapted by Stuart Gordon from the short story written by H.P Lovecraft. Gordon, who gave us the wonderful film adaptions of Lovecraft stories such as "The Re-Animator", "From Beyond", and "Dagon" works his magic again by modernizing this intricate tale and casting "Dagon" star Ezra Godden as Walter Gilman. This adaption takes the strongest beats from the story while ignoring others due to the 55 minute time limit. The changes and story is a great fit for the "Master of Horror" series and is one of my personal favorites.

Walter Gilman is a grad student writing his thesis on string theory. He finds the perfect place to rent a room while finishing his work. There he meets Francis Elwood and her infant son Danny as well as an elderly neighbor named Mr. Masurewicz. While studying one night, Walter is stunned that the walls in one corner of his room are just like those that he's working on, with slants and intersections that might make inter-dimensional travel possible. The next day Francis asks Walter to watch Danny while she goes to an interview; Walter agrees to but is visited by a naked woman who looks like Francis who seduces him and scratches a pentagram on his back. Walter discovers, all too late, that a witch lives in the space behind the walls and makes the men who live in that room do her bidding...which is to kill and sacrifice young children. Walter even wakes up at the university with the Necronomicon opened to a page on sacrifice! Walter now must do all that he can to resist the spells of the witch and save Danny and Frances as well as himself!

Pro-Life (2006)

Sometimes you can watch the work of a particular director and say to yourself that “that was amazing” while other times you are left scratching your head wondering why they were involved with such a horrible production. The episode of “Masters of Horror” titled “Pro-Life” is such an example of a horrible production. This episode was directed by John Carpenter and stars Ron Perlman; both are artists who had been connected to some sup-bar films. “Pro-life” comes across as too preachy without believing in what its saying, the actors are too generic, and the storyline itself is ridiculous. Perlman does a great performance with the time he’s on screen but other than that, this episode is a waste of time.

Two doctors are on their way to work when they see a teenage girl run out of a forest and into the street. They stop after nearly hitting her and find out that she’s in danger. They take her to their place of employment which happens to be an abortion clinic. While they are interviewing her after she demands that they give her an abortion (how convenient!) they learn that she’s the daughter of a very vocal and anger pro-life activist named Dwayne (Pearlman). He wants her daughter back or otherwise he and his three sons will take her by force but the doctors believe that he is the father of her unborn child. In reality, she was raped by a demon and that demon begins telling Dwayne what to do. Dwayne attacks the clinic and sends his sons into harm’s way because he thinks that God is telling him to do this. The ending a violent, messy, and awkward and not worth the buildup or the 55 minutes leading up to it. 

The Screwfly Solution (2006)

“The Screwfly Solution” is a short story written by Alice Sheldon and was adapted into an episode for the Showtime series “Masters of Horror”. This installment was written by Joe Dante and stars Elliott Gould and Jason Priestly. Due to the nature of the story, I found this episode difficult to watch.

The story is about a plague that is first identified in the US South and after all attempts to figure out a cure and to contain it, the plague over takes the world’s population. The plague only affects men, causing them to become irrationally violent towards women. The story follows Anne and Amy as they try to hide from Alan, their husband/father, who becomes infected with the plague. Their mutual friend Barney discovers that the only cure is chemical castration. Alan ends up killing his daughter and Anne is forced to dress up as a man and hide in the Canadian wilderness. The cause of the plague is revealed and feels suitable to end this vicious tale.

Valerie on the Stairs (2006)

“Valerie on the Stairs” was adapted from a short story by Clive Barker and aired on “Masters of Horror” during its second season. The story was adapted and directed by the series creator Mick Garris and stars Christopher Llyod and Tony Todd. It’s a fairly effective production that was fun to watch.

Rob is a struggling author who is finally given a break in life when he becomes eligible to move into an apartment house where unpublished writers are allowed to stay rent free. He moves in, meets some of the odd tenants, and focuses on his writing. During the first night there, he encounters a naked woman crying on the staircase but she disappears into the walls. Rob sees her again the next day and this time the ghost interacts with him briefly before she’s scared away by her unseen tormentor. When Rob asks the other residents who Valerie is, they all play dumb. He can see through their charade and begins searching for the truth, but since this is a horror story, that’s not always a good idea…