Jakob's Wife (2021) #498

Watch the trailer here

"Jakob's Wife" is so much more than just a well-made vampire movie, it offers a serious examination of the dynamics of a married woman working through the struggles that had slowly developed over the years. While the husband thinks everything is fine, she wife is living a life of regret and boredom. This is perhaps one of Barbara Crampton's finest performances, as this script gives her plenty of dynamics to work with. She gets to be quiet and demure and then sexy and commanding. This may also be the most screen time that she has in a single film. Co-starring Larry Fessenden, watching these two old friends on screen together again is a pure joy.

To say that Anne is a rut would be an understatement. She feels trapped, underappreciated, and that she's wasted her youth after she married Jakob, the minister in the small town that they live in. When her old high school crush takes the opportunity to work with her renovating the old mill, Anne's temptation flares in the moment. Unfortunately for her and her old flame, they are attacked by the Master, a Nosferatu/Barlow looking vampire that had made the abandoned mill it's new lair. 

Over the next few days, Jakob notices that his wife is acting different, and he naturally suspects that something happened between her and her ex. While Anne begins to experience life as a vampire as she slowly turns, Jakob finds the vampire nest when he is attacked by a former parishioner. He rushes home just in time to clean up the mess that Anne makes after devouring a curious neighbor. Jakob loves his wife, so together they try find a way to move forward and free Anne from the sway of the Master. Does she belong to Jakob or the Master ultimately, or does she become the master of her own destiny?

This film has fantastic makeup and practical visual effects. It also has some memorable body horror moments, something that is often skimmed over in monster movies when it's such an obvious choice. For example, Anne's bite puncture begins dripping blood while she is taking a bath, so heavily that you can hear the drops hitting the bath water. Another moment is when she is having her teeth bleached at the dentist office. Her sensitivity to bright UV lights causes her face to alit and scorch and blacken her skin. Once she feeds, a horrific body mutilated moment in itself, she heals back to her pale, pasty new normal.

Lifeforce (1985)

Although it may not be any where as popular or scary as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" or "Poltergeist", Tobe Hopper's "Lifeforce" is still a great horror film that is still fun to watch since it's release in 1985. As one of my personal favorites, I was thrilled when I was able to see the film shown on a large screen when it was selected as a feature film for the H.P. Lovecraft film festival; an excellent choice considering how Lovecraft wrote about monsters and creatures coming from the depths of space, older than humanity itself. It's suiting that the screenplay was co-written by Dan O'Bannon ("Alien") and that it took full advantage of Haley's Comet passing by around the time the film was made. The concept of vampires from space is nicely explored and brought to film in this movie, taking liberties with the vampire mythos that would have otherwise raised eyebrows from traditionalists like myself; they can still hypnotize and seduce their prey but they can do so much more!

Interesting side note - Klaus Kinski, Billy Idol, and Anthony Hopkins were all considered for various roles in this film, with Hopkins actually being offered the role of Col. Colin Caine, but turned it down for his own reasons.


During an historic space shuttle mission to investigate Haley's Comet as it passes by earth, the joint US/UK team of astronauts discover a large, 150 mile long alien space craft caught in the comet's gravitational pull. Upon inspecting the supposedly derelict spacecraft, the crew finds hundreds of dried up bat-like creatures and three human like figures in suspended animation within glass like coffins. The crew take the humanoids, two male and one female, back to the space shuttle...and that's when everything goes astray! Mission control loses it's signal contact with the shuttle and an emergency rescue mission is sent up to see what's wrong. The rescue party finds the ship nearly destroyed by fire but the three humanoids and the glass containers are untouched; the rescue team returns to Earth with the three aliens.

Once on Earth, the Female alien wakes up and steals the "lifeforce" of those around her, leaving behind a trail of dead bodies that eventually come back to life and need to feed in the same fashion as she did, otherwise they end up exploding. The commander of the original shuttle mission is soon found in an escape pod, and he admits that he set the shuttle on fire to kill the aliens and keep Earth safe. It's soon discovered that he is psychically linked to the Female vampire. It's now up to him a few brave souls to enter London, which has become infested with the zombie vampires, to find the three Space Vampires and kill them before their "plague" can spread across the world.

30 Days of Night (2007)

One of my all-time favorite vampire movies, “30 Days of Night” is a great example of how far removed vampires can be from being the stereotypical hopeless romantic archetype that had become so popular since the 1990’s. These vampires are ruthless predators that speak only when necessary. They have evolved, or perhaps devolved, into killing machines that treat people as nothing more than livestock. I love movies that take place in environments with snow, so an Alaskan village that is without daylight for thirty days is perfect for me. I also enjoyed the cast and I wish that Josh Harnett was in more films like this. Melissa George (Amityville Horror) is also a great casting choice as Eben’s ex-wife.

Eben Olsen is the sheriff of Barlow, Alaska, a town that experiences thirty days of night once a year. As the town is quickly getting ready to leave or preparing to stay for the month long event, a mysterious ship approaches the town and single row boat comes forth from the vessel. This stranger is up to no good as he kills the sled dogs and destroys the communication tower before going into a dinner where he is arrested after making threats. Eben takes him to the police station and locks him up but the stranger just mocks them and talks about their coming doom. The “doom” comes quickly after sundown when a mob of vampires, who were waiting within the ship, come to town and begin a bloody rampage and feeding frenzy. Eben and several others, including his brother and ex-wife Stella, survive the initial onslaught and take refuge in an abandoned house with a secret attic. After barely living through the first endless night, the group has to try and stay alive for the next month until the sun rises once more.

Favorite moment – the scene when Eben kills his first vampire, a newly turned local, at a swing set behind some houses. This scene is purely beautiful; the use of silence as the snow falls and the almost stark black and white scenery is stunning.

Lost Boys (1987)

"Lost Boys" is one of the best vampire movies of all time and is easily the number one vampire film from the 80's. It has an amazing cast, a storyline that is constantly raising the stakes (no pun intended) for its characters; characters that you actually care for. The film has some thrilling moments, knows and uses vampire lore and mythos expertly, and even though the movie is obviously from the mid 1980’s it still feels almost timeless (except for the rock band on the beach, but we can overlook that). This is the movie that really launched Kiefer Sutherland’s career as well as being the first movie to feature both Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. Edward Herrmann and Dianne Wiest help round out the stellar cast.

Michael, Sam, and their recently divorced mother Lucy move in with their grandfather who lives in Santa Carla, California. The boys quickly get a feel for the beach side scene with Sam making “friends” with the Frog Brothers while Michael meets a cute girl named Star. Unfortunately Star is already with David but that doesn’t stop Michael from trying to win her from him. One thing leads to another and before he knows what’s happening, Michael has been inducted into David’s gang….of vampires. Sam realizes what has happened to Michael before Michael even knows, and with the help of the Frog Brothers, Sam and Michael go on the hunt to cure Michael before he turns completely into one of the undead.

Near Dark (1987)

“Near Dark” is a decent horror film that came out during the resurgence of serious vampires movies. It may have had a better run in the box office if it hadn’t been released just three months after the super fun movie “Lost Boys” in 1987. The cast of vampires in “Near Dark” include the always charismatic Lance Henricksen, Jenette  Goldstein, and Bill Paxton, who was cast as the sadistic Severen; I should point out that these three actors had major roles in “Aliens” and that the directors of these two films, Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron, would eventually be married…for two years. With these great casting choices, I’m thoroughly confused why such an untalented unknown was cast in the lead role as Caleb. This actor had very little presence and wasn’t convincing in his part.

I personally feel that there should never be a cure for someone after they become a vampire, but if it must happen then it should be the one that Bram Stroker originally gave, which is to kill the lead vampire; this might cure you but it still leaves you pretty messed up for the rest of your life. I thought the cure in “Daybreakers” was cheesy and I downright do not like the cure in this movie; a simple blood transfusion! How does a complete blood transfusion cleanse your body from that state, and how did a veterinarian have enough human blood to make this transfusion…twice??

The other thing that really bothered me about this film is that the vampires healed from their burn marks way too quickly or the film crew’s make-up department was really lazy. If being exposed to sunlight for 90 seconds causes to explode, then I would imagine that the burn marks you receive after being hit in the face directly by middle-of-the-day sunlight might take more than a few hours to heal up. Am I wrong? This small detailed bothered me a few times throughout this movie.

Caleb is a young guy who meets a young vampire girl named Mae. He offers to drive her home and on the way we see that Caleb is just a horny boy who cannot take a hint that Mae is not interested. As dawn quickly approaches, Mae wants Caleb to get her home but he gets creepy by stopping the truck and hiding the keys, telling her that she has to kiss him first. She does so, for a while, before she gives him a bite on the neck and then jumps out of the vehicle to run the FOUR miles that she said her place was.

• -          Why did she bite him? Was it out of hunger? Was it as a punishment? Did she just have pointy teeth at the moment and it was just an accident?
• -          Why and how did she run four miles and not burn up? She was a full blown vampire and it looked awfully bright to me.

Caleb is now a vampire and begins to smolder as he walks home. He’s almost home, close enough that his sister and dad can see him all smoky. Then all of a sudden an RV comes racing through the field and grabs Caleb before racing away. It’s Mae and her “family” of nomadic vampires that travel back and forth along the southern US killing and burning stolen vehicles and truck stops.

• -          Why did they come and grab Caleb? Was it because they don’t leave any witnesses behind? Only Mae knew that he had been bit and none of them claimed to have had a slow night and needed a snack before getting some sleep.
• -          Why do vampires like the south? Do they like warm nights? Is it because the truck stops and rest stops are frequent and not very busy? At least Jesse, their leader, tells Caleb that he fought for the South during the Civil War.

No one is happy that Caleb is a vampire. Homer, the little boy who turned Mae is pissed off, Jesse just wants Caleb to prove himself, and Severen just wants to kill him. Caleb fails to impress the crew at a truck stop killing spree but redeems himself during a shootout with police in the morning. But just as things are looking up for the vampires, Caleb’s sister and dad find them at the hotel that they’re at. Caleb and his real family run out into the morning sunlight (the sun rise really quickly in less than two minutes!) and goes home for a good old fashioned blood transfusion in the barn. And BOOM, he’s normal again. But now he has to deal with four angry vampires who want to kill him and explain to Mae as to why he chose dad and sister over her.

Southern Gothic

The vampires in “Southern Gothic” are nothing more than the worse Southern stereotypes that are poorly acted out. The inexcusable dialogue that William Forsythe was given and his rendition as a backwoods preacher who has an addicted to strippers is downright insulting. The lead character, Hazel Fortune, is a decent character that the audience might care for if only he wasn’t in such a dull movie with a plot that never shifted out of first gear. I did not enjoy this film (as you can tell) and the technical flaws like the lighting a sound are more than enough nails in this coffin to convince me to find another movie to watch and wash away the bad taste of this film.  

Daybreakers (2009)

“Daybreakers” was a great idea that turned into an ok movie. While it has some “meh” moments in the plot such as how Willem Dafoe’s character is cured from his vampirism, I do appreciate the side effects of what happens to a vampire when they don’t drink fresh human blood after a while. Turning into an animalistic killing machine is pretty cool and makes sense in addition to being awesome to watch and a great motivator to solve the vampire society’s most pressing issue. Besides some weak story choices, “Daybreakers” does offer a cast of known actors such as Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, and Willem Dafoe to keep us entertained.

In 2019, most everyone has become a vampire and the human blood supply is quickly running out. If you don’t drink your blood, you’ll eventually turn into a mindless beast that kills anything and everything you see, so the vampire boss types want to find a cure as quickly as possible. Edward is a scientist who is working on finding a cure but falls into the wrong crowd, normal humans, and finds a cure that he was not expecting. Now cured but human, Edward is in a world of trouble and is being hunted down by his boss because becoming human and losing your vampire powers was not the objective!

Favorite moment – Sam Neill being creepy as the vampire boss, trying to have as much fun with the role as he can.

"I can be a vampire and look all pensive like Brad Pitt too!"

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

There’s no doubt that the vampires in “From Dusk Till Dawn” are not your lovey dovey type of bloodsucker; they exist to drink your blood and steal your stuff. This movie presents the perfect situation for several dozen vampires to together and feed while enjoying some great tunes from the undead band. The foul beasts give the wicked Gecko Brother’s a run for the honor of being the most vile and it looks like an even race until Seth kills his baby brother (who’s been turned) and works with the family that he had taken hostage earlier in the film. So the vampires win the honor and prove that vampires can be downright nasty. 

The screenplay was written by Quentin Tarantino who also served as a co-producer and starred as the sick Gecko Brother Richard. The film also boosts a talented cast led by George Clooney and Harvey Keitel, along with Juliette Lewis, Tom Savini, Cheech Marin, and Salma Hayek. Oh, and it was directed by the one and only Robert Rodriguez!

"From Dusk Till Dawn" is about the Gecko Brothers, Seth and Richard, who are racing towards the Mexican border after committing a bank robbery and leaving several people dead in its wake. Things go from bad to worse for the brothers when Richard gives into his violent/perveted tendancies by raping and killing their hostage. With the Law closing in, Seth and Richard kidnap a family of three with consists of a pastor who has lost his faith and his two children. By gunpoint, Jacob (the father) takes the group across the border and to a truck stop where Seth has set up a meeting with a man name Carlos. They decide to spend their time waiting for Carlos inside the truck stop/strip club called "The Titty Twister". And once inside they quickly realize that they may have made the wrong decision after finding out that the truck stop is a front for a nest of sadistic, hungry vampires.

Favorite character - Tom Savini as Sex Machine. Enough said! I love (most) chances to see him on stage as well as his famous make-up creations!

Dracula (1931)

“Dracula” is an amazing film that has truly earned any and all accolades that it has been given over the years. This classic captures some, but not all, of the magic from Bram Stroker’s novel about a vampire that wants to feast upon the teeming “millions” of London. There is nothing romantic about this vampire that is portrayed by Bela Lugosi, he is cunning and deadly and is only polite when he needs to be. He is a monster to be reckoned with, but I must admit that I was not aware that Renfield was so creepy in this version. This was the first time I’ve watched this film since I was really young and now I’m thrilled that I’ve rediscovered a classic. In my opinion, what makes this film really frightening is the lack of a soundtrack; this small detail heightens the jerky movements of Lugosi and the silent motions of the vampire “sisters”.

If you haven’t seen this version or read the book….then shame on you!